Marked This Day

On this day last year, Austrian and British scientists successfully grew a three-dimensional model of an embryonic human brain. These “cerebral organoids” are grown from stem cells with a mixture of nutrients in a spinning chamber. There is a bunch of other scientific mumbo-jumbo that I’m not going to delve into because frankly I’m not sure how much I can type the word organoid before throwing up a little in my mouth. I realize that the use of stem cells is controversial issue, and I’m not here to judge either way. I’m just astounded by the fact we can grow baby brains. I spend at least an hour a week looking for my keys, and we can grow baby brains. Seriously, I locked myself out of the house last week and had to use the doggie door to get back in, and we can grow baby brains. Regardless of your political or religious beliefs that is pretty amazing. But it also makes me a little miffed. Some of you may know where I’m going with this. That’s right. Hoverboards. We can grow brains. Baby

On this day in 1997, the Scirocco roller coaster in Brussels, Belgium malfunctioned, leaving 26 riders stranded for 90 minutes. Upside down. The coaster was heading into the first of its two loops when it suddenly jammed up. I feel like Dr. Seuss could have written this in Oh, The Places You’ll Go . Though I doubt he had people hanging upside down for 90 minutes in mind when he wrote about the Waiting Place and Prickly Perches. But could there be a more on the nose metaphor for a bad day? How many times has someone told you that life is a roller coaster? Sure, it’s as cliche as an athlete saying “at the end of the day,” but cliches are cliche because they get used often, and they get used often because they are true. The roller coaster cliche just notifies that life is full of peaks and valleys, ups and downs. There you are, going about your business, navigating the ebbs and flows in the simple pursuit of happiness when the unexpected just creeps up on you, and then BAM! You’re stuck u

On this day in 1928, representatives of 15 nations, including the big players from WWI, signed the Kellogg-Briand Pact in Paris, France. Soon after another 47 countries agreed to the terms of the pact, effectively demonstrating that the majority of the civilized world had reached a consensus. What was this consensus? The Kellogg-Briand Pact basically made war illegal. Judging by the fact there was another WW followed by the suffix II not too long after that pact was signed, I would have to call the whole endeavor an abject failure. Not that I fault the attempt. Why not try? Alright people, how can we prevent another war from breaking out? Oh, I know. How about we make war illegal? Illegal? War isn’t illegal already? Not on paper it isn’t. You think people will follow that? Of course they will. It’ll be the law. How will we enforce it? We’ll arrest them. What if they resist? We’ll take them by force. What if they kill us? We’ll kill them. Isn’t that a war? I see your point. So isn’t thi

On this day in 1973, Mary Boitano became the first female to win the 6.8 mile Dispea Race in Marin County, California. But the truly remarkable part is that Mary was only 10 years old. The race was handicapped based on gender and age, but that is still wicked impressive. We all know Thomas Jefferson would have merely shrugged it off. “Why would anybody run, anyway?” he’d ask. “Those automobiles you have are a much more efficient way to travel.” Of course we are talking about a man who once saw Alexander Hamilton re-enact the William Tell arrow-apple experiment with a beer maiden after downing a pint of beer, spinning around five times and then doing a back flip. He hit that apple right off the lovely woman’s head. “Try that with Aaron Burr shooting back at you,” TJ said. Alexander should have quit while he was ahead. Still, winning a race at 10 years-old is pretty amazing though. I wonder what would happen if a 10 year old won a race these days? She would obviously be plastered all ov

This day in 1835 was the beginning of The Great Moon Hoax. On August 25th, the first in a series of six articles was published in the N.Y. Sun and claimed that the most notable astronomer of the time, Sir John Herschel had discovered a civilization of bat people and a multitude of other strange creatures were inhabiting the lunar surface. A Dr. Andrew Grant wrote the series of articles as the traveling companion of Sir Herschel. But Grant was a fictitious creation of Richard Adams Locke (though Locke never admitted to writing the series of articles). Before you rush to judgement about what a kook Locke was, some people believe he was thumbing his nose at the stupidity of some Americans at the time. Locke was a Cambridge-educated reporter, so I’m guessing he wasn’t a complete dummy. Of course, you never know. You ever seen that Peter Sellers movie Being There ? It’s from a Jerzy Kosinski novella, and Peter Sellers plays Chance, a simple gardener who doesn’t exactly have the most sop

On this day in 1911, somebody working at the Louvre discovered that the Mona Lisa was missing. The previous day, a Monday--meaning the museum was closed to the public, Vincenzo Peruggia, a maintenance worker, brazenly walked out of the Louvre with what would eventually become the most famous painting in the world. Vincenzo basically sat on the painting for two years until he was caught trying to “return” it to his homeland of Italy in a misguided demonstration of Italian patriotism. The theft itself is quite interesting, mostly because of the lack of planning and preparation that went into it, but equally intriguing is the part it played in making the Mona Lisa so famous. Many historians feel that the painting reached new heights because it was stolen. It kind of makes sense in that whole “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone" kind of way. Not that I would suggest staging a kidnapping to allow your significant other to realize how much he/she loves you, because that’s jus

On this day in 1972, Jefferson Airplane had a gig at the Rubber Bowl in Akron, Ohio. I’m not really sure how it went, because I was negative years old at the time, but I’d imagine that Grace Slick wasn’t exactly picturing things going down as they did. At some point that evening, after Grace sang about wanting somebody to love and the trippy Alice-in-Wonderland tale of “White Rabbit,” ole Grace got maced in the face. Apparently Akron cops don’t take too kindly to being called “pigs,” which is what JA’s equipment manager called the attending coppers. Now Grace taking some mace in the face is a pretty Rock N Roll thing to occur. However, taking said mace in said face because your equipment manager, not even somebody in the band, called some cops “pigs” isn’t exactly metal. It’s kind of like soft rock. It’s like when Creed thought they were all drugged out because they used to take shots of Jager before going on stage. Really, Scott Stapp? I’m pretty sure Keith Richards has no nasal septu

On this day in 1741, Danish explorer Vitus Bering led a Russian expedition to the “discovery” of Alaska. Besides having the very memorable name of Vitus Bering, homeboy was a pretty active explorer who traveled into the great unknown--a very cold great unknown--with courage and tenacity. The Bering Strait. Bering Island. Bering Sea. Bering Glacier. All named for Vitus. Which is a heck of a legacy to leave. Who wouldn’t want things named after them? Unless it was a deadly flesh-eating disease that you contracted while doing something completely mundane like watering your garden. That would suck. So would something completely random or weird. Like I wouldn’t want that rough elephant-like patch of skin that covers the elbow to be named after me. “Looks like little Timmy skinned his Mark sliding into second base.” Nope. No thank you. But land and sea? Even a glacier. That’s pretty awesome. Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t be impressed, but TJ once saw a man build the Brooklyn Bridge out of toothp

On this day in 1913, the French aviator Aldophe Pegoud became the first pilot to make a parachute jump from an airplane. He is also considered as the 1st fighter ace of World War I, as well as the first pilot who successfully completed a loop. Basically the dude was a French badass (pronounced Fronch Bodas), until he was shot down and killed in 1915 at 26 years old. Some flames burn fast and bright, my friends. This was a guy, with a very healthy mustache by the way, who was the first person to jump out of plane. I know adrenaline junkies do the same thing these days for giggles, but I’d have to imagine jumping out of a plane back in 1913 was a bit of different experience. He was basically testing out the parachute. Takes a special type a dude to jump out of an airplane without knowing if the chute will work. That’s like Britney Spears agreeing to sing live without knowing if her auto-tune mic is going to work. Except with the added fear of death. Of course this hyper-courageousness ma

On this day in 1868, French astronomer Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen discovered helium by using a spectroscope during a total eclipse. In a coincidental and epic display of scientific nerdiness, English astronomer Joseph Norman Lockyer was also able to distinguish helium during regular daylight in October. Either because Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen was taking his sweet-ass time or because Lockyer was a whiz when it came to writing up scientific findings, both papers were received at the same time, making Janssen and Lockyer the co-discovers of helium. If you want to get super technical about things, and I know you do, you could add William Ramsay into the mix because he was the first to discover terrestrial helium 30 years later. Basically the whole thing is one big gaseous mess. But since it is already one complete cluster, I propose that we just add to it. To round out the Mt. Rushmore of Helium, the first person who either knowingly or accidentally huffed him or her some helium to make

On this day last year, researchers discovered a new mammal for the first time in 35 years. Bassariycon nbelina , now commonly known as the olinguito, is a furry little nugget that is described as raccoon-like creature with a teddy bear face. Sounds like something a 1st grader would draw, but sure. It lives in Ecuador and Colombia and the cheeky little bugger took scientists a decade to discover. It’s pretty amazing to think that there are still animals that we haven’t yet identified or classified yet. Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t be impressed, but then he once saw a Looney Tunes cartoon in which Wile E. Coyote actually caught and devoured The Roadrunner. TJ was all like, “That’s not amazing at all. Coyotes are much faster than roadrunners. That’s what should happen. The other outcomes just give kids a false sensationalization of nature. Idiots.” He had a point. But even so. New things are discovered all the time. I remember when I discovered that Randall “Pink” Floyd from Dazed and Confu

On this day in 1979, there was a rainbow in Northern Wales that could be seen for 3 hours. That is an extremely long-lasting rainbow. Most only last for a few minutes. There has since been a 6 hour rainbow in Sheffield in 1994, but that happened on March 14th and so is only relevant for comparative purposes. I know that a rainbow lasting for a such a long duration is extremely rare what the with the atmospheric conditions that have to be just right for the tiny drops of moisture to reflect the sunlight into a prism of color most of which the human eye cannot even distinguish, but I wonder if seeing a rainbow for that long is a toonsy bit overkill? It’s like that person you know that smiles all the time. All. The. Time. At first it makes you feel good. Look at that Trixie. She’s always so happy, always smiling. It reminds you that life should be enjoyed. But then you notice that she is always smiling. All. The. Time. What is Trixie so happy about? Her name is Trixie for goodness’ sake.

On this day in 1919 Man O’ War, considered by many as the greatest Thoroughbred racehorse of all time, lost the only race of his career at the Sanford Memorial Stakes in Saratoga to a horse named Upset. While there have been numerous myths that this was the origin of the term “upset” a little research quickly debunks that notion. Still it might be the most appropriate name that has ever been doled out. What are the odds that Harry Payne Whitney (Upset’s owner) would have picked the very name for a horse that would perfectly describe that same horse beating the most formidable Thoroughbred in racing history? That kind of premonitional foresight could have been used a 100 years earlier in the Luxembourg Power Plant incident. Remember when I told you about lightning striking a freaking power plant and killing 300 people? If old H.P. Whitney had been around then, maybe he could have been like, “Guys, June 26th. You might want to stay away from the power plant. Lightning’s gonna strike. It’

On this day in 1960, a big space balloon named Echo1A was launched by NASA. While big-ass space balloons seem pretty cool in and of themselves, Echo 1--as it later came to be known because that extra A was keeping people from truly appreciating the Free Love Era that was the 60’s--was particularly important because it was the 1st communications satellite ever sent into space, essentially starting the informational boom that makes it possible for you to read this little post over the interwebs on your smart phone or tablet or pc or google glass or your samsung watch or whatever you use to ceaselessly scour the net for something to distract you from the increasing entropy that surrounds life, which, sadly, I really do not understand; thermodynamics was never my strong suit. So let’s just say you’re bored and looking for entertainment. In any case, communications satellites look a tad bit different than the 100 feet in diameter metallic balloon that floated 1000 miles above the Earth afte

How many times have you been sitting in the hot, hot sun in the middle of August sweating out the toxins that you may or may not regularly pump into your body, wishing that you had a swimming pool to cool off in, when you realize, “Hey now, all I need is my sprinkler?” Well you can thank Harry S. Parmelee and the patent for a sprinkler head he received on this day in 1874 for all of the childhood memories of you and the neighborhood kids jumping through the water like you were spritely wood nymphs. Or, you know, Poseidon or Aquaman or some equally impressive god of water. Whatever floated your boat. Or you could thank Harry for that one time when you passed out in the front lawn after a night of partying when you were a toonsy bit older, and you were given a nice little wake up by Mr. Parmelee’s invention as the sun came up and your crotchety old neighbor shook his head and vowed you would never meet his cute granddaughter/son that your parents had been trying to set you up with for th

On this day in 1960, Brian Hyland’s version of “Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polkadot Bikini” hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. You may think that this was an insignificant event, bringing little to the advancement of the vast amount of knowledge that you have amassed over your lifetime, and you might be right. But let me make a quick case of why this song reaching the top of the pop charts is a monumental achievement in the history of music and life. Okay, that’s a tall order, mainly because that song fills me with a white hot rage that makes me want to throw things. It just crawls into your brain and pings around wreaking havoc like a bad shot of tequila will do to your tummy. But perhaps it helped to popularize the French-swimwear, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It helped keep Sports Illustrated afloat. Plus that little piece of clothing provided women with the right to vote. No? Women’s suffrage was August 20th, 1920? Well ain’t that a kick in the pants. Now if you’ll excu

Way back on June 17th, I made a brief reference to Philippe Petit and the extraordinary wonders of late-night PBS, specifically the really cool documentary (it’s like Ocean’s 11 with a tightrope instead of a heist) Man on Wire about Petit’s illegal and breathtaking feat of tightroping a 200 foot wire between the World Trade Center Towers on (you guessed it) August 7th, 1974. I've also expounded on Nik Wallenda’s feats of funambulism because I find the act of walking a tightrope both outrageous and strangely fascinating. Just thinking about it puts that little knot of anxiety in my stomach that normal people only get when they peer over the edge of a high balcony and realize how grave gravity could be. And while I have also previously noted that funambulism is not a particularly useful skill for everyday life, it is exhilaratingly breathtaking to behold. If you look at it just right, you can't see the wire and it’s as if the walker is stepping on nothing but air, floating in the

On this day in 1997, Steve Jobs announced Microsoft’s investment of $150 million in Apple at the MacWorld convention in Boston. Apple was close to bankruptcy, but Jobs somehow convinced ole Billiam Gates to throw him a lifeline. And why wouldn’t Bilbo do it? Microsoft was worth close to 600 billion dollars and keeping Apple afloat would keep those pesky antitrust people from sniffing around. It was, by all accounts, an intelligent deal for Gates and Microsoft, and of course the partnership was a no brainer for Apple. And Steve looked like an old Ashton Kutcher. You cannot not help that. But hindsight affords to the opportunity to see better than an eagle wearing binoculars. Bill Gates probably didn’t count on exactly how popular the iPod would get which would infuse some vitality into Apple until iPhone and iPad came out and crippled everything in their path like some heat-seeking, ninja-warrior bomb, which as far as bombs go, is probably the coolest type. Unless you could get a Ryu-fr

We’ve talked about Houdini before and determined that he was equipped with some highly questionable life skills. But he made a heck of a living out of them, and this day in 1926 was no exception. Old Harry spent 91 minutes in a 700 pound coffin submerged in the swimming pool of the Hotel Shelton in New York breaking the record for an underwater burial. Now, while I stand by my original sentiment that the ability to stay in an underwater coffin for an hour and a half, probably isn’t as vital as say the ability to balance your checkbook. Although since the information age and the advent of on-line banking the ability to balance your checkbook isn’t exactly a required skill anymore. But it doesn’t hurt. Cause you never know. The faceless person in charge of your debits could have an overactive imagination or just be really bad at decimal points and your math skills may be the only thing standing between you and financial ruin. But when it comes down to it, you have to respect Houdini. Tho

On this day in 1994, a truck transporting 24 million honeybees overturned on a highway in New York near Tarrytown. Seeing a tractor-trailer upend on the highway would be scary enough, but can you imagine seeing millions of bees start to swarm out of the wreckage? That’s probably one of the worst things in a truck that can overturn. I can think of worse though. Like nuclear waste for instance. Though I’m hopeful that we don’t transport nuclear waste in eighteen wheelers driven by some guy who finds it necessary to cut down his name just so he can add a really great truck-driving handle like “One-Trip Trav” or “Big-Rig Rand.” I wouldn’t feel too safe knowing there was an interstate network of trucks driving around with radioactive material that could possibly be driven by a guy more focused on trying not to spill his breakfast burrito on his Dungarees than obeying the rules of the road. Not to talk trash about truck drivers. They have a tough job, and that stuff has to get where it’s g

On August 1st, 1774 Joseph Priestley conducted an experiment using focused sunlight through a glass lens and mercuric oxide which resulted in the discovery of oxygen. Before this, the majority of people thought that air was its own separate element, (tracing back to the Ancient Greeks and 90’s educational cartoons, like earth, water, fire, and air--When your powers combine, I am Captain Planet!). So Priestley’s discovery was pretty monumental. Of course Thomas Jefferson was not impressed. He was all like “Alright, alright, alright, Priestley. So you discovered one of the most essential gasses responsible for human existence, and you also invented carbonated water and the rubber eraser. Congratulations. But did you also break down that air is 78% nitrogen and 21% oxygen with small remnants of argon, carbon dioxide, and other gasses. I think not.” Which does beg the question why TJ never told the world his findings of this atmospheric breakdown, but then again TJ wasn’t much of a sharer.