Random Factoids and Tidbits about each day that will eventually converge to divulge the meaning of life.
AUGUST 4th - The Bee Driver
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On this day in 1994, a truck transporting 24 million honeybees overturned on a highway in New York near Tarrytown. Seeing a tractor-trailer upend on the highway would be scary enough, but can you imagine seeing millions of bees start to swarm out of the wreckage? That’s probably one of the worst things in a truck that can overturn. I can think of worse though. Like nuclear waste for instance. Though I’m hopeful that we don’t transport nuclear waste in eighteen wheelers driven by some guy who finds it necessary to cut down his name just so he can add a really great truck-driving handle like “One-Trip Trav” or “Big-Rig Rand.” I wouldn’t feel too safe knowing there was an interstate network of trucks driving around with radioactive material that could possibly be driven by a guy more focused on trying not to spill his breakfast burrito on his Dungarees than obeying the rules of the road. Not to talk trash about truck drivers. They have a tough job, and that stuff has to get where it’s going some kind of way until we find a way to teleport items, and I’m sure most of them do a heck of a job. But unfortunately, it only takes ones little miscalculation, and suddenly there are millions of bees stinging innocent commuters and the highway is transformed into one massive scene from Tommy Boy, except for real. However, if we combined the incidents (bees and nuclear radioactive waste) we might be on to something. Let’s just say that we did live in a country that was foolish enough to transport radioactive nuclear waste in trucks. And let’s just say that a down-on-his-luck truck driver somewhat similar to Lincoln Hawk in Over the Top (minus the whole arm wrestling thing) has taken one last job transporting honeybees for a nice, old bee farmer named Sal Sisto. Well Bee Driving Lincoln Hawk gets run off the road by One-Trip Trav who veered out of his lane when the contents of his breakfast burrito spill and burn his lap. Of course One-Trip Trav is driving a truck full nuclear waste. There is a big wreck, One-Trip Trav is killed instantly (or so we think), and the contents of the trucks intermingle creating 24 million suped-up bees that sting Bee-Driving Lincoln Hawk multiple times transforming him into a super-human mutant with the bee-like powers to fly, produce honey, and spell. Boom. Call Michael Bay. The origin story of The Bee Driver. Or Super Bee. Or Mind Your Beesness. I don’t know. But let’s make this movie happen.
On this day in 1617, the idea of the one-way street was supposedly introduced in London in the alleys near the River Thames. I’m not sure why London was on the cutting edge of traffic direction, though Albemarle Street, which is acknowledged as the first one-way street, was designated as such because the scientific lectures given there in the early 1800s were so popular. Why wouldn't they be? I can’t really imagine why a one-way street in 1617 would be necessary, but then I can’t really imagine what London in 1617 was like at all. I’m fresh out of people to interview too. Unless the Highlander is real. Just as well. Interviews take a long time. And the person inevitably goes off on tangents. Look, I’m sure the story of how you “accidentally” ingested psychedelic mushrooms while trekking across the Pacific Northwest in your hippie days and met your first wife, Wind Lover, is an incredible story, but I merely asked if you were currently married. It’s a yes or no question. Without the...
On this day in 1681, Christopher Monck, the 2nd Duke of Albemarle, organized the first recorded boxing match. He got (made) his butler fight his butcher for a prize. The butcher won. So the first boxing match was some bored, rich, royal making his servants fight each other? Kind of explains a lot about boxing. “You there, butler. You shall fight my butcher here in a series rounds until it is evident that one of you is the superior fighter. I shall give the winner one night’s sleep in the residence quarters. Pip-pip.” Now maybe this was not how it went down at all. Perhaps the good Duke was just trying to revitalize an ancient Greek sport and figured doing so under his own scrutinous eye would be the most prudent way to ensure its regulation and survival. I kind of think he was just bored and wanted to watch his butler fight his butcher. But is anyone surprised that the butcher won? I mean how many fighters have had the nickname “The Butcher?” It wasn’t Ron “The Butler” Strander, now wa...
On this day in 1979, the longest doubles table tennis match in the history of human existence began in Sacramento, California. The match ended on April 13 and lasted 101 hours 1 minute and 11 seconds. 101 hours! That’s a long ass time to be hitting a tiny ping-pong ball. It a long ass time to be doing anything really. Alright, not anything. Being married for only 101 hours won’t win you any longevity awards. But it will beat Britney Spears’ first marriage. It’s not a particular long career in the Majors, but hell, Moonlight Graham only got a single game. You could fit 4 or 5 games into an 101 hr span. But for the most part, an activity lasting 101 hours is a long ass event. Ping-pong can be riveting and all, especially when the players meat out, but I would think things might get a little monotonous after like the first five hours. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Ping. Pong. Pong. Ping. I’m putting myself to sleep just thinking about it. Sleeping for 101 hours would be nice. Nicer than playing...
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