Marked This Day

As football season begins to wind down, we travel back to 1969 when the Dallas Cowboys got shellacked by the Cleveland Browns. Nothing extremely noteworthy there, except for what happened to Dallas’s poor Kicker Mike Clark on the last kickoff of the game. He whiffed on the onside kick. As in he completely missed the ball. Pretty much the equivalent of forgetting every word of the orientation speech you are giving to new employees. It’s not all that important. You won’t lose your job over it. But there will be ridicule. All the new guys will probably call you Forgetful Frank. Even if your name is Tom. Because alliteration works better. I’m guessing that Mike Clark had to put up with a little of that. It’s not like the kick would have mattered. 38-14. But missing the ball is pretty embarrassing. Like getting pants in front of the hottest girl in high school. You probably didn’t have a shot anyway, but when she saw your Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tighty-whities and the other kids started...

On this day in 1895, a man named Stagger Lee shot another man for removing his hat. And from that incident the legend of Stagger Lee (or Stack-O-Lee) was born. The situation, which was undoubtedly about more than a hat, became a popular one for recording artists. Stagger Lee has been recorded by a variety of musical artists since 1928 including Mississippi John Hurt, Lloyd Price, The Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Nick Cave, and even Samuel L. Jackson. As I said, I’m sure there were other factors at play in the shooting of Billy Lyons, but it doesn’t seem that Stagger Lee had great conflict resolution skills. Most of the songs have imagined the trouble started over gambling, and money can certainly cause people to do some rash things. The Nick Cave/Samuel L. Jackson version makes it seem more about ego, which can also make people a bit crazy. Whatever the case, I think that when Stagger Lee was in kindergarten and one of his little classmates stole his favorite toy (which may have been a co...

On this day in 1989, reports surfaced that the Vice President Dan Quayle’s family Christmas card contained a bit of spelling error. “Beacon” was spelled “beakon.” Not out of left field if you know about Dan (potatoe?), but before you go blaming Dan right away, you should know the misspelling was actually the fault of his wife, Marilyn, and her staff who didn’t notice the error. Spelling as a skill has diminished since the advent of computer age and spellcheck, but as this was a handwritten card the same situation could have occurred today. I really don’t understand how you spell beacon with a “k?” Looks as odd as spelling corn with a “k,” which is only fine if you are a nu metal band from Bakersfield, California. I understand that in certain names a “c” and a “k” are both correct, and I also understand the desire to believe that a “k” is actually better than a “c.” But that’s just for names. More so than that, I wonder what went through the heads of the people who got those cards. They...

On this day in 1980, NBC decided to broadcast an NFL football game between two bad teams (the Jets and the Dolphins) without commentators. Seeing as this didn’t become a regular thing for networks, I am assuming that the gimmick was not a rousing success. Though I must admit, I would often rather commentators suck back a warm glass of shut the hell up rather than drone on about some ridiculous story to fill dead air. I understand they get paid to talk, and while I am certainly a lover of an entertaining tangent, when there is something meaningful going on in the game and the two jackdonkeys in the booth are talking about Peyton Manning’s love of Chicken Parm sandwiches, I get a little perturbed. Sometimes silence is golden. The most well-known situation where this is so being if you have nothing nice to say. When you feel like telling your boss he/she is a miserly ass-clown? Go ahead and swallow that one down. Doesn't work in every situation though. When your girlfriend asks if you...

On this day in 1987, Chrysler pled no contest to selling used cars as brand new vehicles and agreed to pay a $16 million settlement. A high price to pay for being shady. But on a scale of 1 to Shady, that’s pretty damn shady. Generally, when you think of shady, you think of a person who says he/she is going to meet you at the pub for a pull or two, but doesn’t show, leaving you to drink alone at 1pm on Tuesday. You might have a problem. But duping consumers to believe they are buying something shiny and new, when they are buying something less shiny and not new is pretty low. Oh, you thought you were getting a new car? Guess what? It's not new. Boom. Roasted. People don’t particularly like when you tell them something is brand new and it turns out to be--not so much. I can, however, think of worse things than a car to sell as new when they are actually used. A cup coffee for instance. Yes it’s much cheaper than a car, but what if you get sold a cup that was just gummed up by Larry ...

On this day in 2010, archaeologists found some really old bone soup in China. 2,400 years old actually. And still liquid. I realize that this was probably a monumental discovery. Not everyday you discover something that is 2,400 old, still liquid, and able to provide a wealth of information on ancient Chinese eating and cultural habits. But I do wonder if archaeologists are ever somewhat disappointed that their discoveries aren’t a bit more Indy and less the rednecks who go through people’s old storage units on reality TV shows. You have to figure at least 30-50 percent of archaeologists became interested in the profession when they saw Harrison Ford fighting Nazi’s, escaping booby traps, and covering his heart. I’m sure archaeologists give those perfect politically correct answers. That gaining insight into ancient cultures is far more exciting that anything that Indiana Jones did. And I’m sure digging through ancient burial artifacts is hella interesting, but come on. Don't you t...

On this day in 1994, Howard Stern talked a caller off the ledge. Not being figurative here. He actually talked down a man who was planning to jump off the George Washington Bridge. Not sure that Howard Stern would be my first choice to talk me off a ledge. A. He's kind of mean. And 2. I think talking to him would just depress me more. We’re talking about a guy who sits around asking beautiful people to tell dirty stories or gets beautiful people to do dirty things. Or dirty people to do dirty things. Or some combination of the two. Now while you may have some issues with his “indecency,” that’s not a bad way to make a living in my book. As long as you don't mind dirt or beauty or some combination of the two. I’m under no illusions that Howard just lucked into this gig. I’ve seen Private Parts . I get that he worked hard. But if I’m standing on damn bridge, thinking about jumping, I’m not sure I want a guy whose life seems so utterly enjoyable (perhaps a bit edgy, but still) tel...