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Showing posts from November, 2015

NOVEMBER 30th - Getting hit by a Space Rock is Cooler than Being aScientologist

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On this day in 1954, Elizabeth Hodges was sleeping on her couch in Sylacauga, Alabama (because what else is there to do in Sylacauga, Alabama) when an 8.5 lb sulfide meteorite crashed through her roof, bounced off her radio, and struck Mrs. Hodges' hip. Unfortunately, because real life is not a comic book, she was not imbued with any supernatural powers. She didn’t even become super smart like John Travolta did in Phenomenon when that flash of light struck him. Of course that flash of light was actually a tumor, and a flash of light is not an 8.5 lb space rock, but that was a cool movie (even though the proceeds probably helped to get crazy Scientologists to forsake their children and get to a higher level of clear). But getting back to Mrs. Hodges, at least it was a rock and not a big, ole frozen chunk of poopy like in Joe Dirt (also a cool movie). All Mrs. Hodges actually got was a hell of a bruise and to become the first person in modern times to be struck by a meteorite. Co

NOVEMBER 23rd - To Feel Like Freddie

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On this day in 1991, Freddie Mercury announced that he was suffering from AIDS. He died the next day. AIDS is an awful disease, and I’m glad that modern medicine has found a way to control it and keep those infected with HIV from worsening into AIDS (though the cynical-conspiracy-theorist part of me thinks there is probably a cure that big medicine is refusing to divulge). Charlie Sheen will be able to make crappy TV shows for many years to come. Magic Johnson looks healthier now than when he was playing. And good for them. But I do wish the advances had been made early enough to save Freddie. Has there ever been a more fun lead singer than Freddie Mercury? Jim Morrison had that otherworldly, cool druggie vibe, but the word fun doesn’t come to mind. Bono is a bit too pretentious. Plant was too serious. Cobain to ill-at-ease with the whole thing. Jagger always seems to be having a good time (he would have to considering how old is and still doing it). Dave Grohl would be my contemporary

NOVEMBER 22nd - You Can't get mad at Fred Rogers

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On this day in 1984, Fred Rogers presented the Smithsonian with one of his famous red sweaters to be displayed as a National Treasure of American History. How awesome is that? That's cultural cache my friends. I’ve trumpeted the glorious merits of PBS, especially Mr. Rogers, multiple times in these Markings. Right up there with Back to the Future and Rocky IV . For a rather simple reason. I simple cannot imagine there being a more kind and generous person than ole Fred. Not even in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. At time when hatred, bigotry, and violence seem ever-present, how nice would it be to have that soothing voice telling us to look for the helpers? Do you think anyone ever got mad at Fred Rogers? Surely he had to have some disagreements with his wife, right? Might have been one of those situations where she just wanted him to get mad and drop a naughty word now and again. Can you imagine Mr. Rogers dropping an f-bomb? Me neither. And how do you get mad at Mr. Rogers? Se

NOVEMBER 16th - Twinkies Survive

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On this day in 2012, Hostess began its liquidation process. The maker of Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs was going under. No more golden sugary goodness with a creamy center made of God knows what. Plus a whole bunch of bakers and drivers lost their jobs. People were sad. Cause I mean Twinkies are iconic. Or people just like their junk food. And America does like its junk food. But the rumors of the Twinkies’ demise were greatly exaggerated. Let’s face it, Twinkies don’t perish. You know what a month old Twinkie looks like? A day old Twinkie. Those things are space-age, man. I’m pretty sure they were sent back in time from some advanced civilization that found a way to preserve food forever. Twinkies are indestructible. If Twinkies had kidnapped Liam Neeson’s daughter in Taken they would have gotten away with it. The ‘72 played a scrimmage against Twinkies and they lost. Despite the fact that Twinkies have no appendages or brain functionality. It wasn’t actually Holly Holm who knocke

NOVEMBER 9th - That's Real

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On this day in 1965, the biggest power failure in U.S. history occurred when a 230-kilovolt transmission line in Canada tripped and snowballed to New York where much of the state lost power. In total, 30 million people in America and Canada had to light candles, play board games, and eat all the frozen food before it went bad. Not to mention 800,000 people who got stranded in subways--that probably sucked a tad. It was 1965 though, so people didn’t lose as much when the power went on the fritz. Though no power sucks no matter what decade. Unless it was before electricity was discovered. People were used to no power before they had power. Now, though, now there are cell phones. You need to be careful when using them during a blackout, don’t you? You become like a castaway on a deserted island rationing your limited supply of water. It’s only one text you think. Shelly really needs to know how you feel about missing the latest episode of The Walking Dead . And then an hour has gone by an

NOVEMBER 2nd - Unnecessary Censorship

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On this day in 1960, an obscenity case against Penguin Books over an uncensored version of D.H. Lawrence's Lady Chatterly’s Lover ended in an acquittal. While I’ve never read the book, I can imagine a story about a woman cheating on her wealthy, paralyzed husband with the estate gamekeeper might contain a certain amount of smut. But a little smut never hurt anybody. And even if it did, guess what? No one makes you read it. I can almost understand overbearing parents who get all up in arms when a teacher assigns The Catcher in the Rye or The Perks of Being a Wallflower , though I think children are subjected to much worse than this at the daily lunch table. People get crazy about their kids though. I get that. But everyone else? Don’t pick up the book if you are offended. The only part of me that commiserated with the censors is that if they had their way, Fifty Shades of Grey might never been able to suck its way to become a phenomenon. That is the only necessary censorship I ca