MAY 8th - One Less Problem



Your life got a little better on this day in 1980. And I mean you in a rhetorical, figurative sense, accounting for the chance, that you (like I) were not yet a cognizant being in 1980. But on this day, the World Health Organization officially endorsed the eradication of smallpox, giving people one less deadly disease to worry about. From 1980 onward you could be around as many small people as you wanted without fear of catching their small pox genes. It might not have worked that way. I’m not a doctor. But I am all about having one less problem. Like smallpox was you and I was Ariana Grande and I got one less problem without you. I’m not sure who Iggy is--frankly, the analogy is disturbing me. But really, who doesn’t celebrate when a disease is eradicated. Plus it didn’t cause some new hybrid disease either. No zombies started eating brains because we got rid of smallpox. So, one less problem. Sure, you still have to worry about cancer, AIDS, ALS, Parkinson's, STDs, war, racism, gender inequality, religious zealots, terrorists, murderers, fire, flooding, earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, lightning, global warming, shark attacks, flesh-eating bacteria, people high on bath salts, male-pattern baldness, the Kardashians procreating, Kanye West speaking, Michael Bay movies, Shia LaBeouf art pieces, rain on your leather boots before you sprayed them with leather protectant, Tom Brady’s balls, Blue Bell ice cream, misreading the context of text messages, foot odor, nosy neighbors, robots becoming sentient, people finding definitive proof that Keanu is immortal, shadow tag and the wussification of America, running out of hot water mid shower, and of course, never building a functional hoverboard that works over any surface. But you never have to worry about smallpox again. And that, my friends, one less problem.

This day has been Marked.

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