DECEMBER 12th - Faster than the Speed of Chazz



On this day in 1953, Chuck Yeager hit Mach 2.43 in a Bell X-1A rocket plane meaning he flew 2.43 times faster than the speed of sound which is about 761.2 mph. Kind of crazy that we were capable of going that fast 60 years ago. Twice as fast as the speed of sound, or in laymen’s terms, pretty damned fast. We’re not talking The-Flash/Barry-Allen fast, but Mach 2.43 is still ridiculously fast. And while Yeager was in a heavy machine made of aluminum, if the ability to move that fast, or even faster as the record has undoubtedly been broken over the last 60 years, if that ability were to be bestowed on one individual a la The Flash/Barry Allen, my vote would be for one Chazz Reinhold of Wedding Crashers fame. I’m quite glad he didn’t have the power in the movie so I could fully enjoy the meatloaf scene, but think about useful it would be for ole Chazz? In the time it took him to yell, “Meatloaf” to his mother he could have gotten it 2.43 times faster. He could zip to funerals and maximize the amount of bereaved women he picked up, perhaps eventually rivaling Wilt Chamberlin’s ridiculous claim that he slept with 20,000 women. But I’m almost positive he would completely waste the gift. He’d still be yelling for mom to bring the meatloaf, because even though he could run 2.43 times faster than the speed of sound he’d still be running. And Chazz doesn’t run. He doesn't need to, cause you can't move faster than the speed of Chazz. So I’m sticking with him, if no other reason than that he gave me a moment of surprised unbridled laughter 9 years ago. Do you know how rare surprised, unbridled laughter is? It’s like the second most rare type of laughter there is. Of course Thomas Jefferson wouldn’t have been impressed with my choice. He’d have probably picked Paul Revere, but then I’d be all, “Calm down TJ, you won the war anyway.” But if it wasn’t The Flash or Chazz or Paul Revere, Chuck Yeager was a good one to break the sound barrier and beyond. Dude was legit. But so was Chazz. Okay not legit. But entertaining.

This day has been Marked.

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