SEPTEMBER 17th - I Declare



On this in 1859, Joshua Abraham Norton declared that he was the Emperor of the United States. He distributed letters to the newspapers around San Francisco that proclaimed himself “Emperor of these United States,” signing off as Emperor Norton I. This may seem like the work of a crazy person, and I might be inclined to agree with you, except for the fact that Emperor Norton I was an absolute genius. The guy had 30,000 people show up to his funeral. Feel confident you can beat that number? I’m pretty sure I’ll get at least fifteen people and perhaps a pet or two. Like a cockatoo and a pug. I do not know why as they won't be my pets. But they'll show up. Norton wasn't just happy with his title either. He had ideas. He disbanded Congress. That’s right. Get outta here Congress, Emperor Norton doesn’t need your corruption. He mandated that the Roman Catholic Church and all Protestant churches ordain him as Emperor. And he kept things local too. Emperor Norton didn’t particularly like the slang “Frisco” for his great city, so if you were caught using it, you had to pay him a $25 fine. I get that nobody actually listened to him, but he became pretty darn popular. This guy just decreed himself into stardom. SO if you're not quite happy at the way your life is going, just declare yourself something. It’s brilliant. I declare myself the boyfriend of Jennifer Lawrence. And the new CEO of Apple. And the new commissioner of the NFL. And the owner of Cabo San Lucas. It’s amazing. Mere seconds ago, I was just your normal, run-of-the mill guy trying to make his way in the crazy mixed-up place we called the world, and now I am the head of the wealthiest company in the world, able to fix all the stupidity in the greatest sport in the world, all while I sip on margaritas in Cabo next to J Law. So thanks Emperor Norton. I didn’t know I could do that.

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