JANUARY 21st - So Many Euphemisms

On this day in 1994, Lorena Bobbitt was found not guilty by reason of insanity for slicing off John Wayne’s penis and throwing it in some underbrush on the side of the road. I was only 11 at the time so the intricacies of the case (John Wayne’s abuse) were lost on me. I only knew that some guy had his kibble cut from his bits. And before I forget can we talk about how naming your kid after the Duke has been forever ruined? First, there was John Wayne Gacy. Serial killer with same name as one of the biggest movie stars of all time--pretty sure the name John Wayne took a hit. But the Duke was the Duke. Rooster Freaking Cogburn. People still named their kids after him. But then you get John Wayne Bobbitt, an abusive husband who had his member dismembered, thrown in a bush, and then reattached in a 9hr surgery. You name your kid ‘John Wayne’ now, you’re a nutball. Which is basically what they said Lorena temporarily was when she sliced JW’s lug from his nuts. I’m not going to badmouth Lorena here though. Lord knows that women have suffered at the hands of abusive men far too much. I’m simply going to say that her method of revenge might be the worst thing I can imagine happening. In fact I’d rather have the following happen:
1. Lou Holtz narrate my every move in life
2. Be caught on the wrong side of an interrogation room with Jack Bauer
3. Asked to moderate a political discussion between Bill Maher and Bill O’ Reilly
4. Watch Gigli on repeat for a year
5. See Nick Saban and Alabama win another 10 National Championships and claim another 20
All of that would be better than getting my twig separated from my berries. On the other side of things, perhaps these jackasses that keep hitting women would do well to remember the possible repercussions. You don’t hit women. Everybody knows that.



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