SEPTEMBER 1st - Russian Hipsters--No Beards For You



On this day in 1689, Peter the Great of Russia implemented a tax on beards. Apparently he wanted his countrymen (and the occasional unfortunate countrywoman) to look more European. He was trying to modernize Russia; apparently beards were too old school in the late 17th century. I get the idea. Your dress can really affect the way you think and feel. It’s pretty hard to command respect if you’re dressed like an adult Cupid. I wouldn’t know, but I hear things. Problem is Russia is cold. I’ve never been there, but, you know, I hear things. I’d imagine that a beard in freezing temperatures could come in handy sometimes. And you have the added benefit of hiding facial flaws with a bushy beard. Weird mole above your lip? Grow a beard dude. Seriously though, I think Peter the Great just had an issue with hipsters. All those Russian posers who were just growing beards to be “ironic.” They’d walk around St. Petersburg twirling their mustaches and talking about how they were super upset that their favorite balalaika player had sold out and then roll their eyes at the normal folk who weren't in with the cool kids and were just hearing Viktor the Balalaika Player for the first time. Peter didn’t like their haughty attitudes and thought he’d take them down a notch. Sorry hipsters. No beards for you. But as I said before, it’s really cold in Russia. Again, I hear things. So it was virtually impossible to tell the difference between the hipsters and the regulars who grew beards because their face was numb without added insulation. But you can’t fault Peter for trying. Sometimes trying is all you can do.

This day has been Marked.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

AUGUST 22nd - Don't Drink the Kool-Aid

On this day in 1911, somebody working at the Louvre discovered that the Mona Lisa was missing. The previous day, a Monday--meaning the museum was closed to the public, Vincenzo Peruggia, a maintenance worker, brazenly walked out of the Louvre with what would eventually become the most famous painting in the world. Vincenzo basically sat on the painting for two years until he was caught trying to “return” it to his homeland of Italy in a misguided demonstration of Italian patriotism. The theft itself is quite interesting, mostly because of the lack of planning and preparation that went into it, but equally intriguing is the part it played in making the Mona Lisa so famous. Many historians feel that the painting reached new heights because it was stolen. It kind of makes sense in that whole “you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone" kind of way. Not that I would suggest staging a kidnapping to allow your significant other to realize how much he/she loves you, because that’s jus
Read more

AUGUST 23rd - History of the One-Way

Image
On this day in 1617, the idea of the one-way street was supposedly introduced in London in the alleys near the River Thames. I’m not sure why London was on the cutting edge of traffic direction, though Albemarle Street, which is acknowledged as the first one-way street, was designated as such because the scientific lectures given there in the early 1800s were so popular. Why wouldn't they be? I can’t really imagine why a one-way street in 1617 would be necessary, but then I can’t really imagine what London in 1617 was like at all. I’m fresh out of people to interview too. Unless the Highlander is real. Just as well. Interviews take a long time. And the person inevitably goes off on tangents. Look, I’m sure the story of how you “accidentally” ingested psychedelic mushrooms while trekking across the Pacific Northwest in your hippie days and met your first wife, Wind Lover, is an incredible story, but I merely asked if you were currently married. It’s a yes or no question. Without the
Read more

OCTOBER 23rd - A Blink of the Cosmic Eye

On this day in 1977, American paleontologist, Elso S. Barghoorn, announced the discovery of some algae microfossils, complete with some super-scientific name and some super-scientific qualifiers, that were 3.4 billion years old. In layman’s terms--really freaking old. Interestingly enough October 23 was also thought, for a long time, to be the day on which the Earth was created. In 1650, church leaders interpreted that the bible documents Earth’s creation on October 23, 4004 BC. Also a long time ago. Not quite the 3.4 billion years of the first life-forms, or the 4.5 billion years most scientist believe the Earth has been around for. So old Barghoorn may have been giving a little nod there, as in “I’ll take your 5700 years and raise you a few billion.” In any case, it shows that we are here but for a blink of the cosmic eye. Stuff has been around so long that if you really start to think about it, you start feeling like you are watching first 30 minutes of The Tree of Life and wonderi
Read more